On the Unsexy Parts of Growth
The process of growth is not sexy or instagrammable. It is not captured in a new workout routine or supplement lineup. It can be challenging, unfamiliar, awkward and the process can perpetuate insecurities lingering in our psyche before it starts to feel better.
I talk about this often with both coaching and therapy clients. If you think you are the only one battling old thought patterns, I can wholeheartedly promise you that you are not! Everyone is out here doing their very damn best. (And if they’re not there quite yet, it’s also not our place to tell them where they “should” be, but that’s a topic for another newsletter…)
Growth may mean difficult internal conversations and drifting apart from relationships. It may mean breaking up with an unhealthy coping skill or an enabling friendship. It could mean getting up and going for a walk when you DO NOT WANT TO or putting your phone down when you’d rather scroll. It could look like finally getting on Psychology Today and sifting through therapists who take your insurance. It could look like trying some of these things, not feeling any “better” and trying again tomorrow.
Growth happens slowly over time, by showing up to it every day. If you find yourself thinking in old thought patterns or turning to comfortable yet unhealthy habits—that’s normal. See here for “Stages of Change” explanation.
My suggestion:
Be both brutally honest with yourself and gentle with yourself.
And know when to lean into either of those.
IT IS SO POSSIBLE!!! Whatever the growth you imagine or can vision—it’s so very possible. I’ve seen it, witnessed it, lived it.
You are allowed to grow and expand into whatever version of you feels most authentic. Just keep showing up, each and every day to it.
A Really Good Quote
'“Feeling overwhelmed is a trap, a tricky one at that. When we’re overwhelmed, we see all that needs to be done and say, That’s too much. I can’t do it. So instead, I shall do nothing. Feeling overwhelmed occurs when we say, I am already too busy so I can’t do that and now all is pressing in on me and I can’t do anything. And the acts that are ours to do keep piling up and pulling on us. And we keep resisting. And stress and pressure build up.
Feeling overwhelmed leads to feeling stuck, and both are an illusion. How simple those things that overwhelm us actually become when we release the feeling and return to the rhythm of our lives. When we say, Yes, I need to make that phone call, do that task. How simple the task becomes, how simple life becomes.
What’s bothering you that needs to be done? What’s pulling on you? What’s causing you to feel overwhelmed and maybe stuck, too? Make a list. Put your list aside, and begin by taking one simple action. Then watch as life unfolds. One act at a time, one thing at a time, all that needs to be done will get done. The stress will disappear, and you’ll feel back on track.
You’ll be given the ability, power, and guidance to do all that is on your path to do. Begin simply, quietly, by acknowledging feeling overwhelmed. Denying the pull of life and its tasks doesn’t remove stress; it compounds it.”
-Melody Beattie, Journey to the Heart
