Integrate + Liberate
Perhaps you’ve heard the phrase, “what we don’t own, owns us”. What this is referring to is what we call the shadow. The shadow is the part(s) of us that we aren’t always proud of– we are more likely to be critical and ashamed of them.
“Owning” our shadow doesn’t mean we need to shout it from the rooftops and tell everyone what we are working on internally, but what it can mean is realizing that the thing in ourselves with which we get most frustrated, could be the thing that is most liberating for us.
In the past, I have gone through this with my self-perception around my emotional experience. I used to think I was “too” emotional, “too” sensitive, “too” much. I slowly began to bring those fears to the forefront of my experience. I talked about it, began learning what emotional boundaries are, wore my sensitivity and empathic tendencies with pride. I really began to own that part of me, and with time, we became integrated. Now, I know my empathic abilities are a strength and a skill, and it took time to get there, and there is still work to be done!
Today, I revisit this idea of integrating and sharing. Something I have struggled with is deciding on one thing I want to do in my career. Although I have tried to follow the path that others have chosen, I have realized I am simply not wired to land on just one thing I want to do. I created my own major in college because I refused to decide on just one! I have judged myself a lot for this—calling myself flaky, indecisive and unstable. The habit of judging myself has continued to hold me back. Even more specifically, this has held me back from pursuing my coaching career. However, I know this is a powerful part of me that is also a strength. And here I am, slowly but surely integrating this aspect of myself that really does make me who I am.
As I am recognizing parts of my shadow that are still yearning to be integrated, I want to leave you with three questions to see where your own shadow may be asking for some light!
When I look around (in real life, on social media, even a movie character), what am I envious of in others? Is that envy pointing to what I ultimately want? Or is the envy telling me I’ll never “have” it?
When I have a negative thought about myself, is the root of this negative thought often the same? What is the underlying message here?
The Big One: What do I talk about with a lot of emotional charge? When I am quickly fired up about something, in a way that feels potentially disproportionate to the situation itself… what is my body, my mind, my spirit looking to communicate? Hints: money, career, relationships, personal goals are all hot topics that may have some extra charge in them.
What comes up? If you feel inclined to share or talk more about this, send me an email and I will give you a free coaching call.
AND!
I still have coaching spots open for August! My program, Journey to Self, is a three-month program for $1500. It is open for individuals and couples!
If you’re an individual who:
-is looking to grow in an area of life but knows something is blocking you
-is working on calling in your dream relationship
-is new to a relationship and wants to invest the time and energy in continuing to grow individually in this new partnership
-wants to cultivate more embodied sensuality and love in your everyday life
If you’re a couple who:
-is happy, committed and in love and wants to continue to explore and deepen the connection as a unit
-is curious and open to new ways of celebrating your love, your connection and future goals as a unit
-is committed and content but looking for a way to revive and rejuvenate the same daily routines
Is this you? Let’s hop on a free Connection Call!
I am sending everyone the warmest wishes for this beautiful, fiery month that is August. May it be filled with a lot of laughter and love and rest in between.
With love, gratitude, and deep joy,
Courtney
Jedediah and me a few weeks ago at the beach <3 This podcast is such a good one to listen to together with your partner! We learned a lot from it and incorporate the tools often. Fave tip: "let's experiment"!
